If I was standing on top of a mountain looking in a valley and, that valley was my life, I would feel regret. Not that my life was all bad because it wasn’t. It was just a life of going through the motions. Not a life of chance taking, not a life intention, not a life of exploration, just a life of doing what I was told as a kid and doing what I was taught as a man. Oh I had some times of rebellion, some times of pushing the needle but, it was done with fear and trembling. Most times I just did the right things and didn’t step too far out of that box. I wish I did just to know what I’m really capable of. But, I didn’t, now at 51 i still wonder where I and my family would be if I had just pushed those boundaries until they fell over and I was running free.

So let me describe myself for you. I am a loving husband of 3 adult kids with a honorable mention to a fourth who is not biologically ours but my wife and I have guardianship over. I am dog father to 3 dogs whom I didn’t ask for but somehow they have all latched on to and adopted me as their daddy lol. I just recently left a job of 21 years to be self employed and, I’m very on edge with that but I’m hoping for the best. Now for the bad, I worry constantly and thats with everything, finances, health, family issues, you name it. You know, sometimes its hard to see the good when it seems like the bad follows you around like a fog that only surrounds your head. Health wise, I’m way too big. Maybe about 3 or 4 years back I found out I had a pimple sized tumor on my pituitary gland that has thrown my testosterone way off and you couple that in with a splash of laziness and you’ll get to my size. I’ll get into my exact size at a later time. Career wise, I’m way off my mark. This is a area where I just live in the past and go over all my shoulda, woulda and coulda’s moments and dream of how my life would have been so much better if only I had did this or not did that. I feel horrid as well because I see glimpses of me in my kids. The difference between my kids and myself is I would listen to instruction. My kids are all of this new way of thinking. When I give advice or instruction they say, “people today don’t do things like that anymore dad”. All I can do is SMH because I tell them “your making the same mistakes I made” or I tell them “I want you to do better that I did”. Most times it just seem to fall on deaf ears.

I guess for me doing a blog or just venting is because I lost my mom almost a year ago and my dad during the heat of Covid. They both died at the age of 69. When I started thinking on doing a blog I was 50. Thats just 19 years away for my parents death age. Now, I pray I go well past that age but, who knows and, if I don’t, I wants some accomplishments under my belt. I want my kids to see what hard work and accomplishing something looks like. I want to run out of that box I feel like I’ve been in all my life. Now Naturally, I want it all right now but, we know that’s not how life works. When I think on how to get this done, I keep hearing win the day. It don’t have to be the whole day. If you do something in the day that you normally don’t do, that’s a win, whether it be skip breakfast or dinner, go for a walk, read a book, hit the gym, spend quality time with your significant other. Just make an effort to do something thats going to make your later greater.

I’m going to do something everyday to build to an epic climax of life. My momma always said, “if I died tomorrow, I’m gonna die a unhappy woman”. That bother me on so many levels but, the main reason is because I wasn’t in any position to do anything about it. I’m looking to change that and I hope someone is encouraged to do some changing with me.

Thanks for stopping by and until next time, win the day